Marvel is the Cow, Right?


Some of you might remember my friend Dave from back in the.  Well he and I were talking about comics the other day.  I mentioned about the upcoming return to original numbering and the return to Planet Hulk in the MU.  He went on to have this very NSFW rant which I had to literally grab a pen and start writing down because it was hilarious.  It went as follows:

“Marvel is like a fucking family with a cow.  A cow that gives the best friggin milk you’ve ever had, right?  But they milk the shit out of this cow for years and years, they realize one morning the milk isn’t as good as it once was – but they want the good shit that they had when this cow first gave them milk.  So they go to this cow and say ‘we’re going to milk the shit out of you again but we want you to give us that good milk – the stuff you gave us when we originally started drinking out of you.’

The cow’s all ‘Dude, I’m fucking tired!  Try milking one of those other cows, fresh cows that you ain’t even tried yet!  Their shit might be delicious too!  And the family is all, ‘nah, fuck that noise, we’re going to milk the shit out of you and we expect it to be the best shit you’ve ever produced.’

The cow tries to tell them over and over, try something new, fresh – but the family never listens.  They keep milking the same cow until it is so tired and half dead.  And then they try to tell everyone the cow is just as good as it’s always been – but people can see the fucking cow, man!  They see it all dying and gasping for air.  They know it ain’t right.”

After he was done I sarcastically said to him “Marvel is the cow, right?”

Published by ratchet

I am a man. I like the world I live in. I would like it better if pumpkins were available year-round though...

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