Tag Archives: Jason Aaron

Like A Warm Knife Through Butter: A Year Worth of Cringe-Worthy Hulk Moments: Week 30

Let’s have a little fun and discuss some of the more graphic, violent, sad, or just plain awkward moments that have plastered the Hulk history.  Be it a passing meeting between spouses of a gruesome scene that nobody saw coming – this year I’ll have you squirming in your seat!

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I mentioned before that Aaron’s run could easily be this whole list.  His run served of exactly how to lose a whole run of Hulk fans in two issues.  But I decided to choose to only pick a couple of the worst moments from Aaron’s run – and oddly, the other moment I picked comes from the same issue – but yes – I have chosen the scene of just how the Hulk managed to separate himself from Banner.  With the help of another brilliant (albeit it, evil) mind – Doctor Doom.  Doom performs brain surgery on the Hulk with… wait for it… a adamantium chainsaw.

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As ridiculous as it sounds it plays out even more insane on the pages.  Under the talent of Whilce Portacio we see Doom lowering the said chainsaw to a strapped down Hulk.  The Hulk… strapped down.  Let that sink in for a moment.  Also, later in the comic Doom states that he can actually SEE the parts of the brain that belong to Banner and which belong to the Hulk.  The series only gets worse from there…

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Monkey Shines: A Year of Cringe-Worthy Hulk Moments: Week 11

Let’s have a little fun and discuss some of the more graphic, violent, sad, or just plain awkward moments that have plastered the Hulk history.  Be it a passing meeting between spouses of a gruesome scene that nobody saw coming – this year I’ll have you squirming in your seat!

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An entire year’s worth of cringe worthy moments were handed to us with the horrendous Jason Aaron Hulk series.  There is one moment above all that is both perfectly symbolic and representative of his take all together.  The Hulk has arrived on Banner island to destroy the brilliant gone insane scientist.  Of course he, and the team he went with, has to contend with the island’s population of gamma irradiated beasts.

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While the idea is sound with amazing potential, Aaron decides to celebrate this moment of genius by putting it into the toilet… literally… when Banner’s domesticated chimp does what chimps do and throws its feces into the face of the Hulk.

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There is an article – I usually link things to be an easy, one stop sort of blog – but tonight I am too lazy – there is an article that says that monkey throwing poop is a sign of intelligence.  While that may be the case – and I think the jury is still out on that – this moment really solidified that Aaron was not giving us a Hulk story

Acquisition Friday!

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I do have a whole bunch of new product to show off – mainly due to my very generous and beautiful wife – but I thought I would give you a double shot of Marvel Select since these two figures sort of go together!  Unleashed Hulk is an amazing figure – but Barbarian Hulk (Marvel Select $21.99) may even beat that one!  It’s too bad that the figure comes from such a forgettable story line.  This figure, decked out in a skull necklace and tattered rags, is amazing!

It's what's for dinner....

It’s what’s for dinner….

The long hair and full beard even gives the extra volume to the head to make it look perfect on the body.  The paint job is top notch and sculpt is fantastic as well!  I guess, if anything, we should thank Aaron for writing a scenario where this figure was not only brought to life – but at a time where Marvel is making anything and everything they can to make a buck.  If you see this figure and do not pick it up I am going to have to assume it’s either because you are blind, poor or out of your mind.  Grade: A

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The Incredible Hulk #15 (2012) – The Review

I need to get the variant… was in Maine this weekend – could not locate one!

Is it over?  Is it really over?  Aaron’s run has ended!  I know there are quite a few fans of Aaron’s – and amazingly I have read and heard an overwhelmingly that even the fans of his have either stopped reading this series or just think Aaron was not well equipped (mythology wise) to tackle such a complex character like the Hulk.  What could have been one of the most talked about series of the year (thanks to the Avengers) was an incoherent and inconsistent read that drained of readers faster than the Red Hulk series once his identity was known.

There are quite a few Hulks in Banner’s brain… weird Doom didn’t mention that…

The final issue wraps up the Aaron story pretty neatly with out really answering anything.  It’s almost like he went to Loeb for advice on how to write the Hulk!  “All you have to do” Jeph would say “is tell the artist to make pretty pictures and your book will sell.”  Aaron, looking panicked, would ask back “What if I don’t have McGuiness drawing my Hulk book?  What if they actually read my stories?”  After a moment of reflective thought Loeb would respond with “You’re screwed.  I’ll see what I can do about getting Ed to draw the final issue cover for you.”

Over at SF, a member named Risingstar made such an excellent point that I asked him to include it here on this site.  He said “”It is very hard to write the Hulk because unlike any other character in any comics universe, the Hulk is in a constant state of evolution. This is a character the writer really needs to know. He isn’t like Cap, Spidey, or Batman who pretty much essentially stay the same regardless who comes on board. This is what makes the Hulk really interesting in that he is perhaps the most complex character ever written where every writer gets to add something new. However, if the writer is a hack or has little knowledge of the lore, he’ll fall flat really fast.”

THE Hulk? As in THE spoon and THE tree?

He makes a great point – because Aaron has written some great runs with characters like Punisher, Wolverine and Ghost Rider – but he really came up against a wall with the Hulk.  This single issue is pretty much everything you’d expect and follows suit with the rest of the series – Grade: F / Series: F

The Incredible Hulk #14 (2012) – The Review

Incredible(ly Dull) Hulk #14

We have just one issue left to finish Aaron’s Hulk opus – thank goodness – and we are no closer to having a coherent story that makes one lick of sense.  It would be quite amazing if he pulls off a mind-blowing finale that fills every plot hole and answers all questions.  I can pretty much guarantee it won’t happen… but I’ve been wrong before.  I still don’t get how Doom became the big bad here – as he only did what he was asked – he didn’t even offer his service, the Hulk sought him out.  As bad as the story is I don’t think I can offer a great synopsis… instead I’ll offer some of the “great” moments this issue offers:

There is a moment where Victoria Von Doom tortures a Doom-bot – and the robot actually feels fear and “wets” himself.  Isn’t the idea behind having a robot is that all it does is follow its directives without emotion clouding it’s decisions?  Apparently not – Doom, one of the smartest men in the MU, would create robots that could be tortured to give up all his secrets, of course!  Would it not have made more sense for Victoria to say her team has hacked into the Doom-bot’s database or something?

Or the good ole’ Hulk saying:

I will smash you until I’ve smashed the smash right out of the word smash!

I really feel embarrassed reading this series – I can almost see Aaron trying to alienate fans (or comic readers in general) seeing if he can put the most ridiculous plot points into the story and who will keep saying he’s a great writer.  Anyways, Doom has hired a company called Brain Damage Inc. to try and kill the Hulk subconsciously.  Yeah, that will go well… the story gets a grade of: D-

This is a scene from inside of Banner’s head. What exactly are the controls for? And where is the button for vomit?

The Incredible Hulk #13 (2012) – The Review

Incredible Hulk #13

Alright… Stay Angry ends where the Hulk failed to stay angry in EVERY issue – and United begins.  Stay Angry ends with one of the worst endings I could have imagined – and United begins even worse – if that’s possible.  And it is.  Here’s a time line:

  • Hulk goes to Doom and asks him to separate his other personality
  • Doom does it
  • Banner goes nuts
  • Banner dies.  But doesn’t
  • Banner collect mystical items to kill the Hulk who was born from science (huh?)
  • Instead of using the “cure” he wants to team up and take down the real enemy… Doom

Wait – what?  How did Doom become the enemy?  What did Doom do other than do exactly what the Hulk asked… and of course get something out of the deal… because this is Doom we are talking about.  Doom is a lot of things but trustworthy is not one of them – and Hulk knew that!  But he’s the bad guy now?  How does that make sense?

Clever Aaron… or at least it was clever back in 1992 when John Cutter said it…

Let’s talk about the back story in this issue – Banner uses his connections in Vegas and wins a hefty bankroll.  Then again… Banner has no connections in Vegas.  Fixit does – and not great ones at that – but did everyone completely forget that Fixit was a 8 ft., grey behemoth?  Not a 6 ft, scrawny white guy?  It’s like someone’s daring Aaron to write as many plot holes as he can into every issue!

What a fantastically awkward looking suit.

People have said that Aaron is leading somewhere – and they said the same thing about Loeb.  Loeb told his followers that everything happened for a reason and that there will be a big payoff in the end… and then he wrote more crap and people figured out that Loeb was full of – well, his own writing.  I have a feeling that Aaron fans are going to be led down the same road.    Amazingly, you can’t blame Marvel for dropping Aaron so quickly – his readers dropped by 50% from issue 2 to 3 and keeps trickling down.  At least, for once, it seems that comic readers are not blindly following creators when they are writing a character they have no business writing. Grade: D

The Incredible Hulk #12 (2012) – The Review

The Incredible Hulk #12

The fundamental issue with Aaron’s run is that he doesn’t seem to understand what makes the Hulk so great – that and he obviously isn’t up to speed on Hulk history.  If he were, up on the history, he would know how foolish the ending of issue #12 sounds.  But let’s not get to that yet – how is the rest of the issue, you might ask, if you’ve never read any of my other reviews before.  Surprisingly though, this issue had a few cool moments – but mostly felt to be struggling to  shock the reader.

Battle Royal!

Now, the Wolverine vs Hulk match up has been a favorite since it’s very inception in TIH #181.  This two-some solidified it’s popularity thanks to Todd McFarlane’s TIH #340, where he has, arguably, drawn one of the most vicious and bloody battles between the two.  That was the grey Hulk though – this is the green.  Wolvie can’t take the green Hulk on any level.  Either can the Thing for that matter – a battle that Hulk has faced numerous times as well.  At least the Thing can take a punch from the emerald beast!  But maybe the two together can take Hulk down?  That’s the premise of Aaron’s new issue.

Those claws don’t seem like a good idea anymore – do they Wolvie?

The only problem, and I see it as a glaring one, is that the Thing has taken on the Hulk usually with his mutated cohorts in the Fantastic Four – most of whom are stronger and could easily beat Wolverine in a battle.  Yes, even Reed.  So how does the government think sending these two in to take the Hulk down will work?  Obviously the wrong people are making the tough decisions…

I can’t say the issue is a total waste, as I said before, there are some fun moments, like the Hulk ripping of part of Thing’s face and taking Wolvie’s claws and making him give himself a lobotomy.  Pretty great stuff!  But overall the issue was lacking – mainly because the Hulk told the two “heroes” about the little robotic thing injecting him in the back – and they did nothing to stop it.  Most of the time, when fighting the Hulk, they try to find a way to calm him down – not just keep attacking, which only makes him angrier.  You’d think Grimm and Logan could do a simple thing like crush the thing that was sticking the Hulk in the back.  I don’t think I even need to mention – the Hulk getting stuck with a needle?  How did the Hulk’s skin become to easily penetrable?

Hulk tears off Things face… granted – that was pretty awesome.

My biggest issue with this… issue is the end.  Bruce Banner says he has “finally” found a cure for the Hulk.  After all these years – he’s finally found a cure.  Did Aaron not read the Hulk at all?  He’s been cured so many times now – not to mention – he was cured not even 2 years ago!  Did he not read the Red Hulk series where Bruce was no longer the Hulk?  I mean, I know I wish I could forget it – but still… it was two freakin’ years ago!  But even before that Bruce had been cured of the Hulk so many times it was becoming laughable that he still thought of the Hulk as a curse!

So you have Banner acting like a nut – creating more monsters on an island – the Hulk “killing” Banner at the heart of a gamma bomb, and now Banner (who never  died – even for an issue) collecting all this mystical stuff to create a “cure”.  Let’s forget that science created the Hulk – not magic – so science should be able to cure him too.  Whatever – Aaron is an idiot when it comes to the Hulk.  Dude can’t write a simple story without shooting himself in the foot. Grade: F