Ultimate Human 2-pack
Ultimate Human was a recent mini-series that was probably one of the most enjoyable Hulk stories for a while. The Ultimate Hulk is a controversial character at best – some love him, others think it’s a little too much – having him eat human flesh and all – but I think you’d be hard pressed to find someone that didn’t totally like this storyline. These mini mates are pretty great – and the face on the Hulk! Did someone just kick him in the nuts? Did he just smell something disgusting? Why does he look like that? Is that supposed to be rage? Yikes!
Hulk - with a face only a mother can love...
Anyways, I didn’t know this was coming out – and I was surprised when I found it – so just to let you know – it’s out now, make sure you check around and get it!
Since I took last week off I didn’t have a chance to review the final issue of this mini-series. Out of the 2 Wolverine storyarcs I was reading – this was the least impressive. Old Man Logan was freakin’ badass! I was hoping the same for this finale – but it wasn’t as brutal as I thought. Still, it wasn’t bad either…
Logan shows up at Betty’s hotel and tells her to put the collar, that he made in the last issue, around her neck. “Or what?” she asks and Logan inform her “Or I kill your boyfriend” Well, the rest of the interaction goes as you’d expect with Betty Hulking out and sticking her thumb through Wolverine’s eye. Logan has the upperhand though ready to pop a claw through her liver. He tells her to put the collar on and then heads out to find Bruce.
Logan catches up with Bruce on the plane to Casablanca. He snaps the collar around his nech and tells Bruce that he wants the Hulk to die – but he wants him to die AS THE HULK. Bruce has other plans as he jumps out of the plane. Logan follows him out and catches up with Bruce as they plummet to the ground. Bruce gives him the option – Kill him or take the collar off so he can turn into the Hulk. Wolverine chooses the latter. When they hit the ground Bruce has Hulked out and is holding Wolverine as they are greeted by Fury.
Fury tell the boys that he has Betty locked away to try to revese what she did to herself and that the Hulk is free. He’s also welcomed to come work for them. The Hulk says he’d never work for Fury – Fury replies with “Hulk? Probably not. But there’s someone inside that disgusting green pile of twisted muscle that is deeply in love with the woman currently in my custody.” Hulk let’s go of Fury and he rides off. Wolverine and Hulk walk off together toward the next town. Logan says he’s still pissed that the Hulk ripped him in half and the Hulk basically says to talk to someone who cares – but not in those words – instead he tells him it’s good for the soul. Wolverine says his soul was ripped out long ago – and Hulk responds with “I thought you grew everything back” Wolverine has the last word in this comic – but your gonna have to read it yourself to find out what it was…
This issue wasn’t bad – just wasn’t the brawl I was hoping for. Grade B-
The whole series wasn’t too bad either. Grade B-
How long it took to come out? F-
Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk #5
So, here’s the deal with this series. It’s a lot of build up. A lot of build up. We have one issue left to find out if it’s all worth it – but the delay certainly didn’t help how people feel about this mini. It’s trucking along swimmingly – but the jury’s still out on how I feel about the direction this is going. This issue starts out with Wolverine talking to his spirit animal – a Panda – which he scoffs at thinking his spirit animal should be a wolverine… obviously. I liked the Panda’s response in saying that wolverine’s have no interest in being spirit animals. Wolverine himself then insults his spirit animal by calling it “cuddly”. The Panda tells him not to say anything to the man about what he heard Banner say. Wolverine asks who he would tell. The Panda says “the man who cut off your head” and BAM we see Wolverine, or just his head sitting on a table, in a room with Fury. Fury asks Wolverine what happened. Wolverine doesn’t tell – he’s a little more interested in where his body is – and how they knew cutting off his head wouldn’t kill him.
The next part is pretty interesting because he talks about how Wolvie’s healing power isn’t so much about healing and maybe more about surviving. He tells him that he’s still breathing – only right now he’s breathing through his skin. That was actually kind of cool – I liked that – because I’ve always wondered what these healing powers were capable of and what the limit was. Apparently, in the Ultimate universe anyways, there is none.
So Wolverine tells Fury that the Hulk and Betty fought… or screwed each other – he couldn’t really tell – and then they saw the nuke coming. The Hulk leaped into the air at the last second and Betty shouted that she’s always loved him. He yells back – but we don’t know what he says… yet.
Wolverine is pieced back together and placed in a cell where he paces around, that is until he smells something – or someone – lurking around the plumbing. He calls out the mutant and Forge comes climbing out of the toilet. This mutants “unique” power helps him and Wolverine escape the prison. Forge creates a collar to subdue a person and Wolverine asks for him to make a “his and hers”. Then, as Wolverine gets ready to head out to find the Hulk once again Forge asks where he is going. We see the flashback of Betty screaming out to the Hulk that she loves him and the Hulk shouts back “Meet me in Casablanca!” As he tells Forge we see that Fury is listening in and hear him order troops to get to Casablanca.
One more issue, just one more – and it looks like it may be a very promising final curtain. I’m enjoying this series so far – this issue was less exciting but still interesting. Grade: B-
Ultimate Wolverine vs Hulk #4
I know people have an issue with how they released this series – how the first 2 issues came out and then the next issue wasn’t released for another half a decade – but let me be the first to say – I am so glad they decided to finish this run. I am so happy it didn’t just land in a “What ever happened to…” pit of unfinished stories. It would have been in there with Kevin Smith’s Marvel resume. Did he ever finish that Black Cat / Spiderman storyline? Who knows, who cares? I’m just psyched they got these back on track! I will have to say though… I was not surprised about the “twist” in this universe though… Onto the review!
Most of this story is told in flashbacks. In fact the Hulk hardly makes an appearence – it begins with Betty Ross and Jen Walters talking over the Hulk – and the serum he took to become the Hulk. Jen wants to see if she can “tweak” it – work with it so that she can have all the power of the Hulk but none of the rage. Betty talks to Stark and Cap about not sending Wolverine out to kill the Hulk – saying Bruce shouldn’t be executed. But Stark disagrees. Meanwhile, Jen Walters is working on tweaking the serum – she injects a rat and as Betty arrives the rat Hulks out! – But it’s docile and sweet. None of the rage but all of the Hulk baby! Then we see Betty talking to Nick Fury. She telling him that Walters is a traitor and is planning on selling the Hulk serum to the Chinese. Fury tells Betty to give Jen the serum so that they can catch her in the act.
Next Betty sets up a flight to Tibet. Where Wolverine is. Where the Hulk is. They say they need Fury’s clearence – she plays a recorder with his voice saying to give her what she wants. They follow Walters to the drop off with the Chinese – they bust in as the exchange is made – only to find out that she was trying to buy the new Star Trek movie. Meanwhile, Betty’s on her way to Tibet. Fury calls to say that they are to take Betty into custody. Betty injects herself with the serum. She transforms… in an erotic, strange, but still kind of hot scene:
Betty becoming the She Hulk!
Fury says to take her out – but seriously? Your gonna take out the She Hulk? With guns? Good luck with that. Betty tears open the side of the helicopter and jumps out. She lands near Wolverine and Hulk saying that she’s Plan B. Hulk recognizes her as Betty. He tells her that she broke his heart – and now Hulk will break Betty!
The only shot of the Hulk in the new comic...
This is an interesting set-up to the next issue. The issue was told well… and the art is done… well. All in all not a bad issue – just not that great either – and the story hasn’t moved along from the original scene, it’s just told in back story, which isn’t so bad except that the build up to the event is a little… predictable. The issue: C+
Ultimate Wolverine vs Hulk #3
Well, since it took almost 3 years between issues, should I wait 3 years to review it? Because the big question is… was it worth the wait? Well, if you don’t like spoilers then stop reading HERE because I am spoiler crazy up in here!
We start where we left off – alright, that’s sort of a lie – we actually start off in sort of a jumble of Wolverine’s convoluted thoughts. We see quick shots of things to come but we end up with Hulk holding Wolverine’s lower half (remember when he did this?) asking Logan which leg he would like him to eat. Now I have had people say that the Ultimate Hulk’s cannibalism is the worst part of the Ultimate Hulk – but it doesn’t bother me – I find it kind of a cool aspect, makes him more monster – anyways, after a bit of bantering Wolverine tells him the left leg. Hulk asks why – and bantering continues. A jet flies over the both of them and Wolverine wonders if Hulk has seen something fall out – but Wolverine flashes back again saying he forgot a part of the story.
We join Wolverine, once again, at the part where #2 left us – with the Hulk surrounded by a ton of naked woman asking Logan if he wanted cocoa. Then, as they begin discussing whether Wolverine is there to kill the Hulk or not and whether they are animals or mammals or retarded (I added the last one) Wolverine begins to get to the Hulk and make him angry. The angrier the Hulk gets the dumber and more dangerous he gets. Wolverine notices this as well. He begins to have fun ribbing him about Betty – and then he goes to far by asking if the Hulk minded if he could have a chance to “hit that” – no he didn’t put it into those terms – I did – but it’s funnier that way. Well, as you probably guessed that sets the Hulk off. The fight, the brutal, brutal fight… is on! A fight that ends with Wolverine being ripped in half and the Hulk asking him which leg he wants him to eat. And he comes the twist – or the shocking ending – or just the ending… As the jet flies over nothing falls out – but someone JUMPS out. Wolverine asks “Who are you?” when they land with a BOOM. We see a green female, boobs hanging out, thong showing, sunglasses wearing She Hulk looking female saying “I’m plan B.”
Was it worth the wait? That’s the big question. Well, let’s start with the fact that this has been turned into a 5 part story rather than a 4 part – but it has been said that the issues are drawn and there’s no way they will be late again. We are supposed to see parts 4 & 5 by May. They even mention this in the end where it says – To Be Continued (And Soon This Time!) But delays aside – is the comic worth the pick-up? Absolutely. It’s a fun, wild ride that keeps you wondering what is going to happen. Hulk eating people? I can handle that, like I said before. The She-Hulk at the end? Not as cheesy as it sounds – I can hardly wait to see the next issue. Still, I give this issue a B-
Ultimate Hulk #1
When, oh when, can we expect a Hulk story NOT written by Loeb. I don’t know too much about the Ultimate Hulk – how he differs from the Hulk in the regular universe – but in the Ultimate Human mini-series the Hulk was completely badass! Everything that they threw at him he handled and more! So, Loeb takes over and… well the Hulk gets beaten up.
So we begin with Zarda beating the heck out of four super soldiers who were holding hostages for ransom. Cap intervenes and saves the life of one of them telling Zarda that the Ultimates don’t take the life of anyone – including villains. Zarda didn’t think that human lives were worth anything. Cap tells her to take a trip and live life a little – wait… wasn’t that the plot of Coming to America? Anyways, Zarda takes off and we join her in a diner as she eats dinner.
Before we continue – I have to tell you that the first 9 pages were drawn by McGuinness – the rest of the book was drawn by Marko Djurdjevic. While both artists are incredible and really make the book worthwhile, I always find it distracting when more than one artist draws a book. Here it’s not too bad – it’s almost as if the book is split in two anyways.
So, finally, the Hulk shows up in this book. The Hulk annual and the Hulk doesn’t show up until half way through it. But now that he does he’s looking to eat something at the same diner Zarda is at. The only issue is… he’s naked. They refuse him service. Of course they do. Hulk gets mad and starts to smash. This is when Zarda gets involved. She battles the Hulk – but more like hands him his a$$ – then drags him to a Big and Tall Men’s shop and buys him pants. They go back to the restaurant and eat – then, for some odd reason, Zarda asks the Hulk if there’s anything else he’d like to do… then they go to a motel and do it. Yup – they do it. And I mean the naughty it.
This story, unfortunately, is a waste of space and time. Was it entertaining? Yes…? Just slightly. Still not a great Hulk story – I’m thinking Loeb doesn’t even LIKE the Hulk character. Look what he has done to him! This story gets a D